


Take Those Off!

by NorthwesternInsanity



Category: Blue Oyster Cult, Music RPF
Genre: Gen, Humor, brother fights, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 10:35:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15022757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthwesternInsanity/pseuds/NorthwesternInsanity
Summary: Joe isn't too pleased with his brother Albert when he's parading around in short, tight, leather shorts before a show. He wants them off, but manager Sandy Pearlman isn't wholeheartedly supporting Joe in the argument. Mass chaos ensues.





	Take Those Off!

**Author's Note:**

> Done for somebody on Tumblr to accompany a fanart they did that we had a wonderfully funny discussion over!

There was no way Albert Bouchard could get to mess with his little brother's head faster than wearing something ridiculous to embarrass him. 

Tonight, being a show that was larger than usual, Albert knew he could get the maximum reaction out of Joe by wearing the outfit that Joe hated the most: his leather vest and shorts.

The vest wasn't quite so bad worn with jeans, or with long pants and a shirt on underneath it. However, worn with nothing underneath it and paired with his shorts, it was worthy of being called a 'monstrosity'. An ironic name too, considering just how small the shorts were. Albert's leather shorts were very short and tight. They showed off the outline of his rear, as well as his front. Almost too much in the case of the latter.

Nobody could tell if what seemed to embarrass Joe more about the shorts was because of how much they showed off, or because they were impossible to find outside of homosexual sex stores. Which Albert could have hardly cared where they came from when he could push his little brother's buttons so easily with them.

Albert grinned to himself in the mirror of the hotel room as he pulled on his shorts, taking his sweet time while Joe was showering. Staying in a hotel wasn't an every night thing for them either. This hotel was nothing fancy and looking quite run down, but it was nicer than some in that it had indoor hallways. And almost any hotel was much better than sleeping in the van pulled over at a rest area and waiting until arriving at the venue to shower or have freedom to move around in general.

Sandy Pearlman was sharing the room with Joe and Albert, and next door, Eric Bloom, Buck Dharma, and Allen Lanier were cramming in together. It was still cramped in the hotel -but with Sandy giving his bandmates a briefing next door and Joe in the shower, Albert was experiencing a rare moment alone where he could really savor the excitement he was feeling in getting Joe riled up.

With a satisfied look in the mirror, he tugged his vest down straight at his sides and smoothed it out. Some ankle socks and his shoes, and he was ready and waiting for Joe to emerge. As he waited, he practiced his smug grin and poses he could take to push the maximum amount of Joe's buttons at once. The shower had stopped running, and the hair dryer's soft hum was audible from behind the door. Any minute now.

Five minutes of waiting passed, and Joe emerged from the bathroom. He was dressed much more sensibly in jeans and a tank top that wasn't incredibly tight, but was well fitted to his body and showed off his muscular arms and broad chest.

"Albert, we have like an hour before we have to get going. Go shower and get dressed."

"I already did."

Joe looked at Albert, puzzled.

"No you didn't."

"Yeah, I did. Remember, you had to wait to shower, because I did before you, and I'm dressed and ready to go."

The slow change in Joe's expression as he realized Albert's plan to wear his outfit onstage was priceless. His response was even better.

"Oh, _nooooo_ no no no no. No way. Not those. You are not wearing those tonight," he scolded. "Put something else on _-I don't care what it is_ -even if you even wear that ridiculous crop top with those tight pants. But you are not wearing those shorts out of this room or onstage tonight. Go change!"

"I think I like what I'm wearing just fine for tonight," said Albert smugly, heading toward the door to go out in the hall just to make his point.

"Ah-ah, no! You heard what I said. _Take those off!"_ hollered Joe. 

By this point, Albert had the door open. He stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips and turned to face Joe with a shit-eating grin.

"You," said Joe, almost breathlessly. "Get back in this room. You _get back in this room,_ and you stay in here until you take those _off_ and you have something else on!"

"How come you're so upset when you don't even know where I'm going?" challenged Albert.

"Alright then, where are you going in those?" demanded Joe.

"Down the hall," said Albert, slowly backing steps out in the hall to spite his brother with his grin settling into a smug expression. "First to the others. But maybe when I'm done hanging out with them, I might just go and parade around the commons."

He laughed at Joe's expression of furious horror, before taking off running when he realized that Joe was coming after him. 

Joe had a very muscular build. Even though Albert was a drummer, he didn't have the strength of his younger brother, and if Joe got a hold of him, he could easily reign him in and pull him back. However, being of a thinner, lighter build, Albert was a faster runner than Joe, and he didn't tire out as fast. If Albert could get far away enough from Joe and stay ahead long enough, Joe's chances of catching him were pretty slim.

The next thing, he was running up and down the hall, with Joe chasing behind him. Joe was keeping up well, just a couple feet behind, and just out of his arm's reach, but while Albert sprinted lightly, barely any sounds as his feet made impact and barely breaking a sweat, Joe's shoes clopped loudly against the floor and his breaths came in loud, desperate panting.

"Oh, _no you don't!"_ shouted Joe forcefully as Albert ran a quick, disorienting circle around him, taking back off down the hall in the opposite direction.

"OH, _YES I DO!"_ Albert continued to ran with a good spring in each stride -almost skipping. He still had a gleefully naughty smile plastered on his face, and he was hardly breaking a sweat.

This time, coming back down the hall, their bandmates realized the source of racket in the hall.

The door to the room Eric, Buck, and Allen were sharing flew open, and Eric poked his upper body out through the doorway. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was soaking wet. His curls were stifled by the weight of the water in a way that said he'd walked right out of the shower. He was also dripping water all over the floor where he stood.

"What in the hell fire damned nation are you two shouting about in the hall?!" he demanded.

Sandy Pearlman came up behind Eric and began scolding.

"And just because they're shouting all down the hall, did you _have to walk around the room and make a mess?"_

The soft sound of Buck giggling floated from around the corner.

"And Joe! Albert! For crying out loud, I room with you two, and I leave you two alone for ten minutes to go in and discuss plans with these three, and the next thing I know, you're up to trouble already?"

"I'd say there's reason to!" cried Joe, gasping to catch his breath as Albert dove in past Eric and into the room to take safe haven.

"Joe, chill out!" ordered Eric, turning around and going back through the bathroom door and in the shower again.

Joe forced his way inside, finding Albert standing in front of the couch -on which Buck was fluffing his hair with the blow dryer, and Allen was curled up with a book.

"Change 'em!" ordered Joe.

"Change what?" asked Sandy.

Joe's eyes were tragic. "You cannot seriously think it's acceptable for him to go onstage in that monstrosity! They are tight, leather shorts, and they barely cover his ass!"

Albert burst out laughing.

Sandy took a look.

"Hmmm," he muttered. "You know, maybe to some his legs are a little off-putting with all the hair, but not everyone is concerned with that -and he will be behind the drum kit most of the time. They do definitely outline some of his features too. I wouldn't choose it to wear for myself, and I would prefer that he not wear something like that to a photoshoot, but for a show, I'd say he should have at it."

"Sandy, you are not helping at all right now!" Joe cried out. This time, his tone was less frantic, and more verging on dread.

"You know, if there are more girls out in the crowd than we usually get, those could be the key to attracting more to future shows, depending on how he presents himself and those highlighted features when he's not hidden behind the drums," noted Allen in a sarcastic tone, looking up from his book on the couch with a naughty, crooked-toothed grin. 

His message was simple -the debate was over, and Albert had won this one.

Joe just groaned.


End file.
